Life has not stopped, but it did briefly for Matt and I on a sad day in April

I have not been ready to continue on with this blog after the loss we endured. Life had not stopped, but I wasn't ready to move on in the blog.

Shortly after Easter when my parents had returned safely to IL, I settled in as a newly pregnant mom of 2. So many things to think about...a new baby early November. Will the family come for Thanksgiving to meet our new bundle? How will we travel to IL for Christmas as a family of 5? It was exciting, it certainly was! But it was nerve-racking it certainly was! Adding another little being to our family would fill our plate to the brim. But it would be fun, a lot of work, but mostly fun and we always pictured our "adult" family with more than 2 children.

I continued to live life as I did before I found out I was pregnant minus the alcohol. :-) I kept up with my running, I ate a little healthier than normal and tried to kick up my feet. I was feeling like my pants were getting tighter sooner than they had in the past and I had already attended my first Dr.'s appointment. At the appointment they said "you're a pro! you've done this before" and sent me on my merry way. 2 weeks after that appointment, on a Monday evening after JUST getting off of the phone with my mom and talking about how happy I am with the pregnancy and how good I feel and how healthy I've been and that I was completely at peace with it all. As in, I didn't worry as much as I did with the first 2. I knew in my head that the pregnancy was ultimately in God's hands and that he would place his hand on my shoulder throughout the whole thing.

30 seconds after I hung up with my mom, I ran upstairs to play with the kids, but decided I needed to pee first. And that's when I saw it. blood.

I was a little panicked, but I called my Dr. and I had some strep B in my tests at my appointment 2 weeks earlier so I had been on an antibiotic to get it taken care of. So they told me the spotting could be from the infection. I made an appointment for an ultrasound for the next afternoon. That's as early as they could get me in. I went through the rest of the evening with my feet up. I thought about possibilities, but losing the baby seemed to be the furthest one from my thoughts. Maybe I have placenta previa? Maybe the infection didn't clear up? Maybe this stems from my kidney issues from last year?

The next morning I took Lane to school and made arrangements for him to go to a neighbor's house while Parker and I went to my appointment that afternoon. Matt met us there. There was a long wait. And several very happy pregnant mommy's who just saw their baby's heartbeat for the first time, just found out what they were having, just got orders for an induction and were about to meet their baby were walking past me in the waiting room. Then it was my turn. In about 10 minutes, life was changed forever. We learned that the baby I had been carrying for 10 weeks did not have a heartbeat anymore and that I was losing the baby.

Broken heart.

Unfortunately not only did we have to process that news, but we also had to decide how we wanted to handle the miscarriage. I could wait it out (but it could take weeks) or I could make an appointment for a D&C. I did not want a D&C. But I also did not want to wait for 2 weeks for this all to be over with. Thankfully, 2 days later (1 day before I would call the Dr to make an appointment for a D&C) I had the miscarriage. I had just dropped Lane off at school and was talking to my brother on the phone. I started to feel some heavier cramping than I had previously felt so I let him go so I could lay down. I won't go into details, but about 2 hours later it was over. Sadly, Parker was home. She was watching TV in the living room, but neither of them knew I was even pregnant so things were all good on their end. She wasn't oblivious to mommy is hurt and/or sick, but she did not know a thing about the pregnancy. I did have to call Matt to come home from work to pick up Lane from school, since I was essentially in labor and could not walk. By the time he picked Lane up from school and grabbed us some lunch, it was over and I was resting in bed for the remainder of the day.

I feel like I have coped with it, but I do still grieve at times. Certain things do hit me and trigger the tears. Everything happens for a reason and I am a firm believer in that. It is the cheesiest saying, but the one I believe in the most.

Because my sister is one of the kindest people I know. I received this Willow Tree figure in the mail shortly after-Angel's Embrace.

And my hubby ordered this charm for me to add to my necklace and it feels great to be able to wear it close to my heart at all times.

Although this baby was not meant to live here on earth with our family, it is in heaven with our family. I know my Nonie was up there greeting it with open arms and she probably hasn't let the baby go since it got to heaven, that is, if she could keep it from any of my other 3 grandma's up there or any of Matt's grandmas. I feel privileged to be the mommy to an angel and I will always always remember April 11. The day my 3rd baby grew wings and went to live in heaven.

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If the anticipation is this fun...

I can't imagine what the actual trip will be like! Even before I booked our trip to Disney, I talked extensively with the kids about going to Disney World. Honestly, for a while, I was the ONLY one that wanted to go. I was about to adopt a family that would enjoy a vacation with me! A few YouTube videos of the "princess" castle and Tinkerbell flying across the sky at Magic Kingdom and Parker was on board! Then all I had to do was convince the boys. Matt was easier than Lane. He is more fine, whatever, lets take them. I think his reservation was their age and that they are too young etc etc. But he soon saw my side, or at least pretended he did, and realized it will be a different vacation due to their age and that is okay since we can go back at other points in their life and they will enjoy it in a different way.

I started pointing out different Disney related things on TV, when we saw things out and about, showing pictures of kids in Disney having fun and watched lots and lots of YouTube videos and Lane was semi-on-board. I also bought these.

If you remember from previous blog posts, Lane has extreme sensitivity to loud sounds. He is still this way, but has gotten better. At first I thought he was weird, no really I did, but then I started talking to people who remember having the same sensitivity issue when they were little and I even learned that his Uncle Ryan was the same way. So I started embracing it and trying to do things to help him with it. We purchased those ear phones and I also talk a lot about what to expect in situations he is not familiar with. He is uncomfortable in situations when he doesn't know what to expect. Lane does not like surprises which is probably why he was so against going to Disney! He had no idea what it was! In fact, his main issue when I asked him why he did not want to go to Disney was-fireworks! I guess the only images he has seen surrounding Disney have been the castle with fireworks. And Parker gets the earphones because I figured once she saw Lane with them, she would want them too. But really she could care less about loud sounds.

So once we started watching a lot of YouTube videos he started warming up. Thank goodness he warmed up just in time for Disney to offer the free dining plan when traveling in September because that is the time of year I wanted to go and I was ready to book the trip. We are staying here. Which was ultimately decided by Matt due to the fact that they offered rooms with balconies and bunk beds for the kids! I'm glad we are staying there because it is in the Magic Kingdom area which is where we plan to spend most of our time! Easy and quick access. I'm sure ALL Disney hotels are nice whether it's economy, moderate or deluxe.

 So ever since we booked the trip we have been talking about it constantly. We have our reservations booked and last week we received our "suggested" itinerary from our Disney planner. Holy cow she is amazing. She listed out tips for each park, suggested ride order, what rides to get a fast pass for and when to get it, where to eat lunch etc etc.

I have packets and packets of information which I am so thankful for considering it's such a big place and I wanted to have a "game plan." If you are thinking of booking or have already booked yourself, but would like her help, let me know! It's completely free and she can transfer your already booked trip and then plan it for you. She makes all dinner reservations and pretty much sets up whatever you need. The detail is crazy. She even tells you things like the best way to exit after the Wishes fireworks show. Things I would never think of!

Last night we went through her list of rides for The Magic Kingdom on YouTube. The kids were just a little excited! We hooked the computer up to the TV so they could watch it full screen.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

(Parker totally biffs in this video. It was only hilarious because she wasn't hurt) :-)

Lane made it clear that he did not want to ride Goofy's Barnstormer so we won't be visiting that ride this time. He also doesn't want to go on Pirates of the Caribbean, but I feel like we can convince him to. We'll see!



And Parker feels much safer at night when her princesses stand guard at her door.  

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A Typical Day in the McLife Summer 2013 edition

5:00 am-Some mornings I am up, strapping on my running shoes for a few miles before the house wakes up. Some mornings I am up, logging on to my computer for a few hours of work before the house wakes up.

7:00 am-Do odds and ends around the house. Start laundry, dust, fold clothes, clean toilets, check email.

8:00 am- The littles start to stir and we get dressed, breakfast in our tummy's and are ready to start the day!

9:00 am- Pack lunches and the pool bag and get ready to head for a swim or wherever we decide to go today.

10:00 am-Conference call with a client. This is a short one-only 30 minutes so we pack up the car and head out for a morning of fun swimming, playing at the park or museum etc.

12:45 pm-Our outing of fun is over and we head home.

1:30 pm-Since we packed a lunch, we read some books and get settled for "rest time."

2:00 pm- Put Parker down for her nap and get Lane settled in his room with some Legos and Pandora.

2:15 pm-Log back on to the computer and work on some campaigns.

3:00 pm-Another conference call. This ones a bit longer, but no biggie since the kids are asleep.

5:00 pm-Wrap-up what I can at work and start dinner. Head upstairs to see who is ready to get up.

6:00 pm-Daddy's home! Time for dinner.

7:00 pm-This is a time for outside playtime, book reading, library programs or just playing around with the kiddos.

7:45 pm-Bath time! (If they need one, which most summer nights, they do)

8:15 pm-Start bedtime routine.

8:45 pm-Head downstairs to pour a glass of wine, check email, finish any loose ends I left from work earlier, watch an episode of Mad Men, Breaking Bad or The Killing with Matt.

10:15 pm-Head to bed to get ready for a full day tomorrow.

Because life and work has been so busy and work is ALL done on the computer and phone, at the end of the day or when I have free time, I feel like I need to step away from the computer, which is why the blog has suffered. In the last several months we have gone to IL for 2 weeks at a time in May and July, had numerous visitors here including my sister, Cale, my Mom, my brother and Kylie, Ed and Loretta, my mom, my Mom, my Mom, :-), we've gone to Helen, GA to stay in a 5 bedroom cabin with 2 other families, I went to Savannah, GA with my mom for a weekend, we closed on our town house! (finally sold!), I've worked worked and worked some more, I've planned and hosted a Back to School party for Macaroni Kid, planned and threw a party for Lane's 5th birthday, 6 days before the Back to School party and just 3 days before returning back from IL after being gone for 2 weeks etc, etc, etc. Oh and in May we planned a trip to Disney. We'll be going in September. Actually a month from yesterday! And Matt and I are going to FL in October. Just in time for the craziness of the Fall and Holidays to set in.

It's been soooo crazy! I actually stop and think sometime if I will look back and regret how busy I made our lives. But I am a mom and that's all mom-guilt right there! I hope to check-in here and there and I also have some other information to share with you as to why life on this blog has stopped since March 12.

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